Here I am at the local library. My baby is sleeping in his stroller. A Cantonese lady beside me is chattering on her cell phone as she watches Chinese historical drama on the computer. My old friend comes chatting with me before he heads off to his father’s funeral. I’m dying of thirst. Ah, that chocolate-vanilla mix of almond juice in my thermos is so refreshing.
I’ve been missing blogging. I was trying to think about writing well-prepared posts before I published them, instead of incoherent rants and chaotic meanderings that leave the reader in the land of Confucius. However, life’s been busy, and I might as well GOYA (get off your ass) and express myself.
Life is sometimes cool.
Sometimes like Heaven.
Sometimes like Guantamano Bay.
If you open yourself up,
life can take you places you’d never imagined.
I have a good family life now, after experiencing the trauma of divorce in the late 2000s. New family, new life. It took me six years to reach this point, but by the grace of Beyond, I did it. Thank You, Beyond.
Oh yeah, if you’re wondering what “Beyond” is, I’ll let you in on my little secret:
“Beyond” is like the “Higher Power” of Alcoholics Anonymous. It is a belief that there is something greater than humanity.
I decided in the last couple months to unshackle my belief system. After toying with horoscopes, the concept of reincarnation and the paranormal as a kid, I converted to Evangelical Christianity as a 13 year old, Grade 8 high school student. I faithfully attended church for 30+ years, giving 10% tithes of my salary, and following what the pastors told me. I eventually ended up as a missionary in “Communist” China for a few years. The messy family break-up and the abduction of my child are what forced me me to return to Canada.
In many ways, that whole experience helped shake me out of my Evangelical worldview, slowly but surely, painful moment by painful moment. Of course, I had many joys and exhilarating experiences amidst the hard times too. But I have become disillusioned by Western society on the whole, and by my Evangelical sub-group in particular. Having experienced so many cultures and worldviews, I became suspicious of the Western monopoly on “reality-as-we-know-it”.
I’m always hanging around Chinese people, here in the Greater Vancouver area of the Canadian province of BC. It’s funny, but modern Chinese culture is like a mirror image of Western culture. At their worst, both “cultures” (although I realise that they are both amalgamations of thousands of cultures) are arrogant and chauvinistic, xenophobic and bullying, historically revisionist and culturally/economically/politically dominant. At their best, they offer creativity, innovation, openmindedness, inquiry, curiosity, etc. One of the most obvious features is that they are all so sure of themselves.
Self-assurance is the mark of a dominant culture that has quashed smaller cultures and worldviews. The “Han” Chinese have it in spades. But I cannot blame them, because they’re just throwing the arrogance we Westerners have back in our faces.
Back to faith. Basically, reality is reality. Research will eventually tell us the truth, as long as we have the time, resources and appropriate “leads”. Unfortunately for me, I believed in Christianity without doing much research. I met a heart-felt need as I was struggling with my parents’ separation and our woe-beladen broken family.
In a way, I don’t regret it. I learned a lot. It actually gave me some tools with which to critically analyse Western culture. Evangelicals call it “the world”. It was a good thing to be taught to be suspicious of “the world”. Little did I know, but these same Evangelicals and their faith ancestors were the very ones who built “the world” as we know it today. They built the Matrix. At their core, they don’t worship the “Beyond”. They worship the material, money and what it can buy. They, along with the rest of us Westerners, are stuck in the dominant economic view of life and the world. The Golden Calf is the true idol that occupies the minds of Christians and non-Christians alike in the West. And don’t laugh, non-Westerners: you too have bought into this mythology. Money is your god also.
Mammon-worship has become global in recent years. The irony is that so many cultures are asserting their national and religious identity, but they are Westernising at an alarming pace. Because Westernisation = globalisation. The West colonised the planet, and although it seems that Westerners are decreasingly in the “driver’s seat”, the world culture that is evolving is Western culture.
Why do so many people worldwide want to become Christians? The answer: economics. If the West is the best, they damn well want a piece of the action, a taste of the same success.
No matter that it destroys the environment that sustains humanity and all the other creatures. No matter that it actually destroys our very souls. Money-worship knows no bounds, except when Mother Earth starts fighting back, as she has been in recent years.
Where is God in all of this? I don’t know. If He is all-powerful, plus 100% good, where is He? I just watched The Dark Knight Rises yesterday on DVD. Batman himself couldn’t bare to see his city destroyed. He knew he had the power to do something, and he did it. Is God any worse than Batman? Again, I don’t know.
I don’t know if there is a God. Or gods. Or a “Force” like in Star Wars. If there is a God, then I’d say He’s pretty remote from His creation. Maybe the Deists are right: like a clockmaker, God wound up the planet and let it go.
Even if there is no God, there still is life that pulsates in every living creature. The earth is alive. There is something “Beyond” human beings. We are not “it”. We pretend to rule the planet, but we’re doing a pretty lousy job of it. To worship ourselves is to worship assholes. I’m sorry, there’s no way around this statement. We create gods in our own image, but in the end, our economics, politics and social structure all reflect a deep self-worship.
I don’t have all the answers. As I learn more, and live more, and experience more, I have more and more questions. No matter. That’s what life is all about:
THE JOURNEY . . . .
In the beginning was Communication
It spoke. Eventually, we listened.
We rallied, we ranted, we raged and repented.
We bounced, we baited, we travelled.
We walked the path
The path of eternity
That brings us back,
Inevitably,
To where we started,
Though with new eyes,
And hopefully, new hearts . . .
Love y’all,
Brandr
Feel free to drop me a note at:
thorsblade888 AT gmail.com
turtleislandjourney 